Divorce and Re-Marriage
I have avoided this particular topic many
times when I probably should not have.
It is not that I have never approached it or dealt with it. Merely that I have only done so in isolated
instances. For this I apologize. The issue of divorce and re-marriage is one
of the most troubling and dividing issues of the modern church. Never the less it must be addressed.
First of all I must admit that this
article has as much to do with what I don’t know and don’t understand as it
does with what I do know and do understand.
It has to do with what the Bible plainly says and what it does not
plainly say. Almost every material
outside of scripture that I have ever gotten my hands on about this topic,
reads as if what it says is the final authority. That is absurd. God is the final authority. Also, if whatever you say about it, including
what you say about what the Bible says about it, isn’t fully seasoned with all
scripture and the lack there of, then it is merely your opinion. Much like what this will probably end up
being of mine.
I do not give my opinion just to give
it. I give it in hopes of helping the
hundreds of people that have asked about this subject with some clarity. I will take plenty of heat from both sides of
the topic and it matters little to me.
Truth and clarity is all that I am after. I would much prefer to tell it the best way,
the easiest way or the simplest way, but if I am going to tell it, I must tell
it the most accurate way.
It may shock and surprise some the way in
which I approach these topics. I do not
quote scriptures very much to attempt to “prove my point”. Mainly because all of the scriptures on these
topics are known and they are still twisted and misrepresented and partly
because some folks will only read the ones that I print and never follow up
with context and lazily accept what ever I say anyway.
To begin with I must start here. God is pro marriage and He is anti
divorce. If you can read the Bible and
find God to ever be against marriage or for divorce I probably can’t help you
no matter what I say. I believe this
soooooo much that I make this statement on a regular basis. Even if it is not the will God for you to
marry that person, as soon as you do marry them, it becomes the will of
God. In other words, God knows that is not the right person for
you and He knows how miserable you will be in that marriage but if you defy Him
and marry them anyway, you are not allowed to ever divorce them and say that it
was never the will of God for you to be married in the first place. Who ever you marry is who God expects you to
be true to. Don’t leave Him out of the
marriage and then bring Him into the divorce.
God is into people staying the course.
He does not support quitting.
Let me take care of a little more house
cleaning here. Most of the people that
wanted to know what my take on this subject was, don’t know me from Adam and
asked for it on facebook. This throws up
a huge red flag to me. Now it is possible
that you are very sincere, are stuck in a cult and trying to get out, etc,
etc. But mostly it is people that don’t
go to church, don’t have a Pastor, don’t read their Bible and aren’t trying
very hard to serve God and are looking for REAL DOCTRINE ON FACEBOOK that might
ease their conscience about a mess they have gotten themselves into. Or perhaps you have followed the basic
teachings of your church up to a certain point but ended up in a bad situation
and you do not like or accept your leadership’s answers on this subject so you
are looking for someone CREDIBLE to dispute them with. If this is your approach, this will not turn
out very good for you.
The whole reason that I write this as a
blog is because I have studied out and decided what each form of electronic
communication is good for and Godly for (See my sermon titled “Facebook,
Twitter, Texting and Paul’s Letters to the Romans) and I have pre-determined
that facebook is a horrible source and use for doctrine. Another problem with random searches for
doctrine outside of genuine study, bible reading, prayer and sitting under
sound ministers is that people end up redefining their search. Instead of trying to figure out what God
wants of me and doing it regardless of what I want or think. After all HE IS GOD. We end up seeking after “what is it exactly
that I can get away with” and still be a professing Christian. Which is a disaster waiting to happen.
The premise of my answer is this. Much of our doctrine hinges on when we, as
ministers, can or cannot say “I don’t know”.
There is so much about ministry and Godly living that the new testament
didn’t SAY exactly. But over time we
have eventually tried to fill in all the blanks. That very well may be the biggest mistake the
church ever made. If the Bible is so
precise, and it is, then the things that it didn’t say are probably just as
important as the things that it did say.
In other words, God very well might have left certain things out so that
ministries would stay less cultic and not be able to completely lord over every
personal aspect of life thus leaving out the day to day need for each
individual to communicate directly with God for answers to the most important
questions. (LIGHT BULB!!)
When the minister believes that he MUST
have an answer for EVERYTHING, he will “come up” with answers. Right or wrong, he will have them. This eventually, usually over decades,
sometimes faster, becomes less Christ-like and more cultish. People get weaker, shallower, pray less,
study less etc. Because the bottom line
is, whatever the leader says, that is our gospel. No matter how good, Godly or accurate the
minister is, it makes for a very weak, lethargic church. I truly believe in some cases this is why God
didn’t leave everything so cut and dry.
He left it where if you were in this terrible of a predicament that you
would go through divorce, that you would consider having two living spouses,
that you would have to seek God in a sincere, aggressive way to get His real answers
for you because you obviously needed that much more of a relationship. This isn’t picking a church to go to or
deciding to split your tithe up or not.
These are eternity affecting decisions for multiple lives weighed in the
balance.
I know that there are a hundred different
people that will want to argue with me from a thousand different angles but
here goes. If I read every single thing
that the Bible has to say about marriage, divorce, betrothal, putting away,
adultery, fornication and everything in between….this is what I find. Using NOTHING but scripture only, I can
safely and confidently say, If you get
divorced and stay single for the rest of your life and serve God with all of
your heart, mind and strength, I PROMISE you, you can go to heaven. If you get divorced and re-marry and serve
God with all of your heart, mind and strength, I CANNOT PROMISE you that you
can go to heaven. I cannot promise you
that you CAN’T go to heaven either.
There just isn’t enough there. Or
in some cases there is too much there.
In other words if you leave out a verse or two I can guarantee you one
way or the other but when you include ALL of the verses I cannot promise that
you can and I cannot promise that you can’t.
The only time I can promise is if you abstain form another
marriage. I have heard a thousand
preachers give reasons why you can and I have heard a hundred preachers give
reasons why you can’t. I disagree with
both sides. But I will tell you this
much, if I was the one doing the counseling I would plead for the safest
possible solution, This isn’t dominos
that we are playing here. This is for
all and eternity. Sometimes it really
does come down to if you want to be happy or you want to make God happy. If you are more concerned about your life now
or your eternal life.
The next question is, what if I am already
in a second or third marriage? Then it
gets even more complicated. My answer. I DON”T KNOW.
If I did, I would tell you. This
much I know, I believe with all of my heart that if ANYBODY turns to God and
prays and begs and cries and pleads with Him for help, guidance, direction,
answers, HE WILL GIVE THEM. If you are
sincere God will commune with you. You
may reject Him but He will be real to you.
God is never wrong and He always does the best for His children.
Now I am sure what is going to happen
here. I will be given all kinds of
scenarios of personal circumstance and he did this or she did that and I am
innocent or it was at this age, or that long ago or he lied or…………All of your
personal circumstance, and believe me I have been through it all with our
clients, do not change what I do know and what I do not know about
scripture. Some people will quote 1 or 2
verses at me and make some big bold definitive righteous statement but then I
can bring up another verse or 2 that will appear to contradict theirs and make
a big radical religious statements back at them. It will not change anything.
If you want to refute me, refute
this. The Bible is absolutely definite
beyond the shadow of a doubt that A) God is pro marriage B) God is anti divorce
C) If you are divorced it is
scripturally safer to not remarry D)There is some definite obscurity on if
there is any way shape or form that one can have 2 living spouses and be as
deep in God as they need to be. My only
other point was, if you are already in this predicament, pray, pray, pray and
seek God. It will amaze you how many people
will fall out with this kind of logic.
As for what the church should be
doing. Preaching, teaching, counseling
and putting forth sound examples of Holy Matrimony in practice. Teaching and counseling very strongly against
divorce. Loving and helping and working
with the divorced to do everything possible to help them grow in grace and find
their place in the kingdom. And
encouraging the remarried to come to church, seek the Lord, raise their
children in the house of God and search for answers inside the practices and
principles of God’s Holy Church. I know
one more thing after reading the Bible cover to cover on many occasions. It makes no sense to me that the church be
established in it’s doctrine to shun, resist or belittle any particular person
or persons. If you think they are wrong,
why in the world wouldn’t you want them to be in church? The one place that they can get right.
If you have specific doctrines of what
they can do and how far you believe you can let them go, fine, make it black
and white and clear with all the love and right spirit that you can muster and
then help them go forward into all of Christ that they can get. I do not understand this idea that more
preaching, more teaching, more praying isn’t what they need. It’s what everybody needs.
Let me say this as well. If you are in second marriage and you attend
a church where they teach against it.
(This is where most of the people that have asked this question are
coming from.) If the preacher has a
right spirit and is sane in his doctrine, you should be backing the preacher more
than anyone else in the congregation when he is teaching against divorce and
remarriage. Especially if you have
children or grandchildren in the church.
You of all people know first hand how terrible and horrific of a life
altering event that a divorce can be.
How it breaks you and demoralized you and how it seems to affect
everyone around you. You of all people
should want to be sure that your children and the youth of your home church
never have to go through the horrors that you went through and one way that can
help that is for them to be warned against it and shown how God is against it.
It would be so much more peaceful to just
tell you what I want to or what is comfortable or how I wish it was but I am
constrained to tell you what I know to be the truth and what will help everyone
the most, in the long run.
The truth is, your peace, strength, joy
and satisfaction is not in another relationship. It is in the one you can have with Christ
Jesus. You can get another mate and
still be miserable. But if you have the
fullness of Christ, no matter what happens, you will still have joy!
Your humble servant,
Rev. D. Todd Sloggett
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